Fairness in Allocating Household Chores

Aug 2, 2010
Robert McKelvie

Fairness in Allocating Chores - Sergio Roberto Bichara

Achieving fairness in household chores is not easy. But the effort needs to be made or unfair burdens will persist, causing resentment between spouses.

Fairness in allocating household chores is important to marital health and happiness and, when children are at home, critical to overall family harmony, too. In the past century there have been many labor-saving inventions as well as evolving attitudes toward the roles of wives and mothers as women’s participation and success in the labor market has increased.

However, residual attitudes and resistance by husbands and fathers often coupled with disparities in economic power between the genders cause conflict and discord in many marriages. A more structured approach to the allocation of household chores might be helpful in these circumstances.

The Need for Fairness in Allocating Household Chores

Disagreement over household chores is a major cause of marital conflict and is also associated with more thoughts about divorce. In addition, those who bear an unjust burden are more likely to suffer from depression and a decline in their physical health.

Couples typically do not openly discuss the allocation of household chores with the result that cultural assumptions and habits lead women to take on a heavy burden of domestic tasks even when they are employed outside the home.

One assumption or basis for allocating chores is that women are better at doing inside chores and men are better at outside chores. But the inside chores are more repetitive and frequent, and require more time than less frequently performed outdoor chores.

Due to both genetic and socialization factors women typically have lower tolerances for both dirt and disorder, so women expect many household chores to be done more frequently. This often means they get stuck doing much more than a fair share of such chores.

For these and other reasons (higher standards, for example), wives and mothers usually wind up with a heavy load of household chores which can adversely affect their personal and professional well-being.

Strategies to Achieve Fairness in the Allocation of Household Chores

Utilizing a few key strategies can improve fairness and mutual understanding:

Communicate – Explicitly allocate household chores, defining what tasks need to be done, how often, by whom, and to what standard.
Switch tasks – After a while, take on each other’s chores for a month or two for better appreciation of the partner’s contributions and to ensure that one person is not over-burdened.
Avoid negative comments and reactions – Nagging, criticizing, and accusing are harmful to relationships in the long run, even if they sometimes work in the short run. Ask for something to be done if it has been neglected and show appreciation for chores successfully completed.
“Laid back” partners need to learn to be proactive in meeting their own commitments and their partner’s expectations. Taking advantage of opportunities to meet the needs of one’s partner is important in sustaining and improving the relationship.

Doing One’s Share of Household Chores Builds Character

When children are present they need to be given age-appropriate chores so that they grow up as responsible adults willing and able to do their fair share of household chores. Good role models and good habits formed in their youth will enable them to be more successful in relationships and in life because they will be more likely to possess the great asset of good character.

Making children feel proud of their contributions to the family can start with praise when they are very young doing simple jobs. It’s also helpful to do some chores with a child if he or she struggles with completing them. It’s important not to give children chores that could be too difficult for them because that could sour them on household tasks. On the other hand, teaching children how to do chores well is worth the time it takes.

The Fair Allocation of Domestic Chores Benefits Everyone

Marriages benefit from fairness in allocating household chores because neither partner is resentful of a just distribution of household labor. The entire family benefits when children, too, do their fair share of household chores; the parents benefit by being relieved of some burdens and the children benefit by feeling a part of the family team and by developing good habits and reliable character. Because most adults and children watch 20 or more hours of TV (or video games) per week, there is more than enough unproductive time available to allocate to household chores.

Reference:

Riforgiate, S.E. and Alberts, J.K. “Who’s Doing the Dishes?” The Project for Wellness and Work-Life. Arizona State University, March 2009.