Interpersonal communication plays a crucial role in all aspects of people’s lives and involves both speaking and listening. Speakers send messages, often imperfectly, and listeners receive messages, often poorly. Nearly everyone needs to become a better listener. People should listen better in order to:
- acquire important information
- gain understanding
- facilitate learning
- be successful at work
- and, especially, to sustain and improve relationships.
Use Active Listening to Listen Better
To be a better listener a person can use “active listening” techniques. Active listening involves playing back or paraphrasing what the speaker has said so that the speaker knows (1) the other person has listened and (2) the message has been understood. Active listening is especially valuable when there is argument or conflict, particularly within a family. Relationships are nourished by active listening because it demonstrates caring.
Listeners are frequently distracted when another is talking and are only partially listening. Frequently the listener is busy trying to think of what he or she wants to say next. Active listening forces one to pay more attention to both what the speaker is saying and how he or she is saying it (body language, emotion).
Good Listeners Both Provide and Utilize Feedback
A sometimes neglected part of the communication process is the feedback loop. When a speaker or message has been clear and helpful, positive feedback would reward that behavior and tend to increase the probability of that type or quality of message. Everyone likes to hear when they’ve done well, including listeners. “Wow, you really paid attention there,” would be positive feedback for listening well. On the other hand, when a message has not been very clear a listener can give helpful feedback by asking questions to either get clarification or more information.
In relationships, feedback helps people know where they stand in terms of both communication and behavior. So listening carefully to feedback provided by others is important to the success of one’s relationships. Good feedback is always constructive if not entirely positive.
Listening Skills Include Taking Notes
Learning situations often require note taking for effective listening and efficient learning. If a person is in a learning situation that involves any complexity, he or she is not listening effectively if not taking notes. Human memory is not normally good enough to grasp and retain complex information. Note taking helps both understanding through concentration and retention through review and reflection.
Conflicts in relationships can be helped if not resolved by the parties involved taking notes of what the other says and believes. The concentration required for good note taking helps people listen more carefully and reduces the tendency to focus primarily on what a person wants to say next. It helps if the parties are relaxed and calm when trying to work their way through situations involving conflict. Good will and rational attempts at constructive conflict resolution can help people avoid much harm to their relationships.
Listening Well Takes Practice
Better listening skills don’t happen just because a person wants them to. Listening skills need to be learned and practiced often so they become automatic when appropriate. People can enlist support at home for practice sessions, even though it may seem awkward. Family members should be able to help one another.
A small group of friends or even colleagues at work can form a group to study and practice listening skills. It helps if there are high levels of trust and no ulterior motives, but simply a common desire to become better listeners.
Good Listeners Tend to Become Leaders
It should not come as a surprise that good listeners make good leaders. People more readily follow people who demonstrate they care through effective listening. If someone is a poor listener how can he or she gain the respect of people who feel there is no caring relationship, actual or potential? Listening skills enable a leader to relate well and to understand better those who are expected to follow.
There is likely to be mutual respect between a leader who listens carefully and effectively and those who are listened to. If a leader has enough respect for his people to take the time and make the effort to listen to them then they will return that respect and willingly follow such a (competent) leader.
Powerful Benefits from Good Listening Skills
The benefits of better listening can be dramatic: greater success at work, better behavior from children, more learning, deeper understanding, and more enjoyment -- as well as the key factor, better relationships. Good will and good listening skills can help defuse and resolve interpersonal conflicts. Active listening is a key listening technique but is one which requires practice before it becomes natural and effective. Once effective listening skills are mastered, a person is well on the way to becoming an effective leader.
Sources: How to Speak, How to Listen, Mortimer J. Adler
Tips on Effective Listening, Larry Alan Nadig, Ph.D.
Robert McKelvie - My experience in business and pursuit of learning over the years enables me to share some of my knowledge via the web.
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